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Jul 158 min read

This is Living Part 10: Lust, Sex & Desire

We are living in a highly sexualized world. P*rn is normalized, and many sexual boundaries have been removed. Self-pleasure and objectification are everywhere - we've got to ask 'How are we doing?' Jesus is serious about dealing with lust - so serious that he says amputations would be better than the consequences of this distorted desire.  The good news is, that change, and transformation is possible:  in a world filled with lust, Jesus invites us to be formed into people of love.


Message Notes 15/07/2024

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27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right-hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. Matthew 5:27-30


I remember reading this very passage when I was in my early teens and feeling a sense of judgment, condemnation, and hopelessness.


Your social environment* shapes you, and shame imprisons you, more than you can imagine.


*Mimetic theory of desire us an explanation of human behavior and culture, originated with the French historian, literary critic, and philosopher of social science René Girard


 So much life energy is lost out on managing shame.


This topic brings up pain and heartache for many people. We all feel the effects of sexual brokenness, either because of what we have done, or what has been done to us.


Jon Tyson cites some references in his message on lust, link below, the removal of sexual restraint (you do you), through the sexual revolution, has turned us into the most sexualized society Porn is normalized, hookup culture is rife.  We have to ask "How are we doing?"  Some research shows that there is actually less sex and worse sex…


We've got a fight on our hands for the next generation - check out the message from Christy Herselman - founder of The Chat, dealing with issues like sex, identity, social media, and pornography. 


Addressing some common narratives:


  • "This seems like God is against sex and desire"

    • Jesus is not against sex and desire! God created sex, it is a gift and it is good, designed to be within a covenantal marriage. Jesus is presenting a vision of human flourishing in a world of brokenness, and dealing with a distorted desire, not advocating for sexual repression.

  • "If my spouse was - fill in the blank - then I wouldn’t have a struggle with lust; I wouldn't need to look around"

    • This is blaming - externalizing a heart issue of self interest, comparison, contempt

  • "If women just dressed modestly, lust wouldn't be an issue for me" -This is also externalizing the problem, rather, Jesus is saying: "There is something going on in your heart that needs dealing with"

  • "It’s not harming anyone"

    • More on this below

  • "Just get married. Then you can have all the sex you want".

    • Marriage doesn't solve a lust problem!


 Jesus shifts from external action (7th command) to internal attitude (10th command)


This is an active, prolonged, continuous looking with the intent to derive pleasure. Jesus is not talking about an incidental glance but intentionally trying to make another person an object for consumption. This is ongoing looking/staring/focusing on / thinking about for the purpose of cultivating a fantasy.


It's not wrong to think someone is attractive or good-looking, it is what you do with that that matters.


1/ Lust is the self-centered desire to please yourself


Lust:  ἐπιθυμέω epithymeō;  to set the heart upon, i.e. long for (rightfully or otherwise): — covet, desire,


Dallas Willard says: Lust is a habit of indulging feelings, from a sensualistic approach to life where feelings are treasured... It is important to understand 3 levels of sin so that you don't get enslaved in beating yourself up for something that is not sin


  1. Thought of sin (not sin)

  2. Inclination to sin - facing temptation (not sin)

  3. Readiness to sin (intentionally engaging)


Of course, the goal of formation is to spend less and less time in 1 and 2 so that there is less risk of progressing to 3. Think of the story of David and Bathsheba.


2/ Lust is not exclusive to hetro-sexual males


Though predominantly male and from a man's perspective here, women also struggle with this. Lust is a form of greed, envy - the desire for something that doesn't belong to us.

Lust, then, is not only linked to pornography but any kind of misplaced, distorted desire. Reading erotic literature for cultiaving a fantasy is in the ballpark of what Jesus is talking about here.


3/ Jesus is serious about dealing with lust


Cut off your hand, gouging out your eye is not literal, hyperbole and metaphor are often there to wake you up. Hell for Jesus is referencing Gehenna (garbage dump), where the evil leaders of old Ahab, Manasseh worshipped Baal through sex with temple prostitutes to trigger Baal to bring rain and child sacrifice,


Mark 9:48 - The place where the fire never dies and the worms are always eating.


Lust will turn your life into a living hell, so you should do anything to prevent this! Sexual sin will unleash hell in your life.


4/ Here's what lust does:


a/ Dehumanizes People

turns people that God loves into objects - and people start turning themselves into objects too. Lust doesn’t want the intimacy and responsibility


b/ Destroys Relationships

Lust takes, Love gives. Love wants a person, lust wants an experience

Porn is increasingly cited as the reason for divorce. Sex is online rather than in relationships.


3/ Damages Your Brain 

A rewiring of pleasure centers takes places, forming neural pathways that make this habit diffuuclut to break (but not impossible)


4/ Distorts Sex Itself

You are an integrated being - what we do with our body touches our soul. Trying to pass out intimacy. Porn teaches you that sex with yourself, without any responsibility, or connection.

Hook-up culture: there is a deep cementing that happens during sex, at a hormonal level too. It is soul to soul, heart to heart, spirit to spirit. As a defense mechanism you produce less hormones the more partners you have - so fulfilling sex becomes increasingly difficult. (CH)


 God's greater vision for humanity:


 The heart of Jesus is not to stand in judgment, but to invite you into a different way. He restored my marriage and broke an addiction 16 years ago and is still working in my heart, changing me to be more like him. Jesus fulfills desires in a completely different way to the world: Lust is empty and ungratifying - ultimately, while what Jesus presents is deeply fulfilling - like fast food vs real food.


You are not missing something good – you are missing something harmful and that can lead to worse things..


Imagine a community that is safe - that reflects how Jesus treated people. People of love who humanize one another. That reflects selflessness Marriages reflect something of the picture of Jesus and the church. You have to get a hold of this vision else there is no desire to change.

 

Jesus' heart is for us to become people of love in a world of lust.


It's not like the law of gravity that cannot be overcome. Sin can be overcome!


1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will Romans 12:1-2


 Surrender of self-will has to lay the foundation for stepping out of these behaviors


Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2


 1/ Accept Jesus' Invitation (to heart transformation)


 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26


3 You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. 2 Corinthians 3:3


It starts with heart transformation, not trying, not more willpower. A new heart means you are empowered to

  • Surrendering your will - Means Giving up the right to lust, which means that you won't feel deprived.

  • Choosing to be a person of love

 

2/ Recognize the Battle


 ​1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath Ephesians 2:1-3


Recognize there is a battle on 1. World system 2. Forces of evil 3. The flesh


 3/ Persevere


3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8


Formation doesn't happen overnight. New ways of thinking, relearning, Disciplines

Make possible what is impossible through sheer effort (Dallas Willard)


4/ Deal decisively


 You won't defeat what you deal with in secret

Throw off: Bring it into the light, name it.

Ask for help!


5/ Examine the cause/root


How did desires get distorted? This takes work. Something from childhood? Contempt?


Dallas Willard points out how these flow from one to another, in order to deal with lust, you first have to deal with contempt. In a world free of contempt (self-centered superiority)

there would be no dehumanizing, no porn, where we are willing to degrade others you will not feel deprived of anything because your self-will would have been surrendered There wouldn't be lust/adultery - wouldn’t look elsewhere.  


One of the things we can do is to decide to live without contempt and to rather live with love! The answer to contempt is love. You cannot have contempt for something you love. (By extension, you cannot lust after people if you love them and you wouldn't t lust/commit adultery if you loved your spouse)


6/ Fix your eyes on Jesus


And his greater vision for human flourishing and abundant life.


______________________________________________________


Resources:






  • Stephen Arterburn's book - Every Believer's Thought Life: Defeating Destructive Mental Patterns to Gain Victory Over Temptation




 


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